There are very few things in this life that I know for sure. Very few. And listing them may make your toes curl and your hair fall out. So I wont.
But I can list the things I know for sure because its pretty short. This list is absolute. There is no question in my mind or heart that it is the total and complete truth. I have no "proof" to show you. And I cannot tell you why I know it is the complete truth. Mostly because I do not know for sure myself why I know. But my mind and heart know it for sure.
God is real and God is God. Pretty simple to me. My proof of this, is every breath I take.
Jesus is God. Because He was born, died and resurrected for us.
Heaven is real. And I will go there when I die. Because Jesus was resurrected for me.
This life is for us to practice loving each other, and being good to each other. EVERY each other, not just the ones we want to.
That love comes from God, not from us. Without God we don't know how to really love.
Forgiveness should be one of the commandments. It is that important.
Along with unconditional acceptance of others. ALL others.
Again, without God, you cannot do this.
We are just not good enough to be able to do this on our own. Yes, we think we are. But we are not.
When Sally was preparing to move to Minnesota, she had to have my approval. She said she would not go if I did not say it was OK with me. WTF! Of course it was NOT OK with me. But I never told her that. There was no way I would have ever stopped her from having her new life and new adventure. She was scared. I was more scared. One of our many, more important, conversations went somewhat like this.
Sally: We are meant to experience new things in life. That's why God gave us so many choices.
Me: I think Dallas would be a good experience for you too. she laughed.
S: You know, this life is just for practice, don't you?
M: How about you practice in Dallas? she laughed.
S: Even a million miles apart wont make a difference to us.
M: No, but I can drive 200 miles, I cant drive a million. she laughed.
S: I'm serious. The closeness in our hearts is what matters. No matter how far apart we are now, in the end we will always be together. And that is the forever that matters. Not now. Because we are together in God, we will be together always.
That last statement makes my life relationships even more important to me.
She always had that way of grounding me and making even the most difficult times bearable. And I still use a lot of our conversations to make my everyday life bearable.
I have had to remember and use this conversation several times in the past 10 years or so when many of my close friends would choose to have their life adventures elsewhere. Especially when Sharon decided to move to Missouri. And I gave her my blessing. But I went with her. That way, I had the visual of exactly where she was when we talked on the phone. Also and more important than that, I left her, she didn't leave me. That was as hard as letting Sally go...because she didn't come back. And that, as stupid as it sounds, was in my mind a lot.
But Sharon did come back. And she is hurting, in a way that I cant understand. I want to fix it, but I cant, all I can do is pray for her. Just as Jesus prays for her when she cant pray for herself. And Sharon is one of the most important people in my life and my heart is hurting for her like no other. So I am asking now...Please pray for Sharon with me.
Showing posts with label Sally. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sally. Show all posts
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Dream...(sister alert!)
I know that dreams can be really unpredictable, but mine are just totally out there sometimes. I wake up wondering where in the HELL did that come from??? What could possibly make me dream such weird things? I don't eat spicy things. I rarely drink too much of the wrong things. I'm not worrying about or dwelling on any one thing too much. Not that I realize anyway.
But the other night I have to say, whatever it was that brought this one on, I wish I could bottle it and use it nightly! I needed this dream more than anything I can think of needing or wanting. It was way better than the anti depressants I'm taking. Way better than a bottle of margaritas. Or a vacation to get away from it all. Way better than anything I can think of happening.
When Nannie died, about 23 years ago now, I use to pray nightly that I would dream about her. I missed her so much it was a almost a physical pain. And I just wanted to see her. It took a very long time, like several years, but I finally started seeing her on a pretty regular basis. At first, I was the only one in my dreams that could see her. We were always at her house of course, usually in either the kitchen or dining room. She never spoke, but I was happy just the same. All I needed was to see her, to feel her there. Eventually she started talking to me and finally the others could see her and hear her too. It was like she wasn't gone at all. Just another big gathering at Nannies house all ready and waiting to eat as always. I still love those dreams. And its still almost monthly that I get to visit with her.
And its been the same way with Sally. I've spent hours and hours begging, pleading and bargaining with God to let me dream about her. It never worked. In all these years, I have maybe dreamed of her 5 or 6 times. And the other night it finally happened...she finally talked to me. Not just a little in passing, but long conversations. I could have stayed in that dream forever. I haven't known that kind of calm and peace in a very long time.
Of course I have no remembrance of how it all started. I do remember not being surprised at seeing her. I was very happy of course, but I felt almost like I knew she was finally coming to see me. She said she only had 2 weeks to spend with me and that we should make the most of it. She wanted to take me places and show me things that I needed to see.
At one point we were sitting cross legged in a beautiful meadow just looking at the green trees and flowers and animals go on for miles. It was quiet and serene and peaceful. And as we sat there the scenery would change, like we were sitting on a turntable. And as it slowly turned we would see a new vision of something to beautiful to imagine. The meadow would turn into mountains, first green then snow covered. Then it turns to a beautiful night sky with a huge brightly lit city on the horizon. We saw the grand canyon again together. We saw the ocean, clear and blue. Always changing. It seemed like we were there forever.
I don't know what we talked about, but we talked constantly as we always did. We talked about everything and everyone. I know she told me that she was happy and that she was exactly where she always knew that she would be. And that it was beyond perfect in every way. And she couldn't wait to show it all to me one day.
I vividly remember conversations we had when we were in Arizona and Wyoming together on vacations. While standing at the edge of the grand canyon, we held hands and she prayed. She thanked God for his creations of such beauty and especially for allowing us to share them together. And in Wyoming as we stood at the shore of a frozen Lake Superior, she prayed the same thing. Then as we drove out onto that frozen lake...in a van...on ice...for 3 miles...on ice...with ice cold water beneath it...did I say on ice? She suddenly reaches for my hand and says, "If the ice broke and we went under, we would both meet Jesus together! Wouldn't that be exciting!" And as I felt her soft warm hand, and I looked at her beautiful soft smile and saw the sparkle of love for God that was always in her eyes, all I could say was "Hell NO! Are you fucking nuts?!!" I really thought she was going to pee her pants laughing. And we were both deadly serious! She went on to tell me that night as we sat in a sweet little bed and breakfast, freezing our butts off, just what she envisioned heaven to be.
The path that the angels will lead you on is stark white and smoky. And they will sing all the way. There is a beautiful golden arch with gates wide open. Through the gates the path turns to pure gold, very bright and shiny. You can hear the singing and praises to God. As you move forward you begin to see the ones you love. Everyone is there waiting for you with open arms, so very glad to see you. You know everyone and everyone knows you. And there is nothing but love and happiness. You never have to see sadness, hurt or anger ever again. There is no time for that in heaven. She assured me that all of her time would be spent singing praises to God. She knew this without even the most tiny sliver of doubt. She knew this because it was Gods promise to her. That she would have the desires of her heart. And that was the most important desire she had. She assured me more times than one, that, "One day, I will go to sleep. And when I wake I will be face to face with Jesus! And it will be the most glorious day of my life!"
And I know that without even the most tiny sliver of doubt, Sally got the desires of her heart. She told me so.
But the other night I have to say, whatever it was that brought this one on, I wish I could bottle it and use it nightly! I needed this dream more than anything I can think of needing or wanting. It was way better than the anti depressants I'm taking. Way better than a bottle of margaritas. Or a vacation to get away from it all. Way better than anything I can think of happening.
When Nannie died, about 23 years ago now, I use to pray nightly that I would dream about her. I missed her so much it was a almost a physical pain. And I just wanted to see her. It took a very long time, like several years, but I finally started seeing her on a pretty regular basis. At first, I was the only one in my dreams that could see her. We were always at her house of course, usually in either the kitchen or dining room. She never spoke, but I was happy just the same. All I needed was to see her, to feel her there. Eventually she started talking to me and finally the others could see her and hear her too. It was like she wasn't gone at all. Just another big gathering at Nannies house all ready and waiting to eat as always. I still love those dreams. And its still almost monthly that I get to visit with her.
And its been the same way with Sally. I've spent hours and hours begging, pleading and bargaining with God to let me dream about her. It never worked. In all these years, I have maybe dreamed of her 5 or 6 times. And the other night it finally happened...she finally talked to me. Not just a little in passing, but long conversations. I could have stayed in that dream forever. I haven't known that kind of calm and peace in a very long time.
Of course I have no remembrance of how it all started. I do remember not being surprised at seeing her. I was very happy of course, but I felt almost like I knew she was finally coming to see me. She said she only had 2 weeks to spend with me and that we should make the most of it. She wanted to take me places and show me things that I needed to see.
At one point we were sitting cross legged in a beautiful meadow just looking at the green trees and flowers and animals go on for miles. It was quiet and serene and peaceful. And as we sat there the scenery would change, like we were sitting on a turntable. And as it slowly turned we would see a new vision of something to beautiful to imagine. The meadow would turn into mountains, first green then snow covered. Then it turns to a beautiful night sky with a huge brightly lit city on the horizon. We saw the grand canyon again together. We saw the ocean, clear and blue. Always changing. It seemed like we were there forever.
I don't know what we talked about, but we talked constantly as we always did. We talked about everything and everyone. I know she told me that she was happy and that she was exactly where she always knew that she would be. And that it was beyond perfect in every way. And she couldn't wait to show it all to me one day.
I vividly remember conversations we had when we were in Arizona and Wyoming together on vacations. While standing at the edge of the grand canyon, we held hands and she prayed. She thanked God for his creations of such beauty and especially for allowing us to share them together. And in Wyoming as we stood at the shore of a frozen Lake Superior, she prayed the same thing. Then as we drove out onto that frozen lake...in a van...on ice...for 3 miles...on ice...with ice cold water beneath it...did I say on ice? She suddenly reaches for my hand and says, "If the ice broke and we went under, we would both meet Jesus together! Wouldn't that be exciting!" And as I felt her soft warm hand, and I looked at her beautiful soft smile and saw the sparkle of love for God that was always in her eyes, all I could say was "Hell NO! Are you fucking nuts?!!" I really thought she was going to pee her pants laughing. And we were both deadly serious! She went on to tell me that night as we sat in a sweet little bed and breakfast, freezing our butts off, just what she envisioned heaven to be.
The path that the angels will lead you on is stark white and smoky. And they will sing all the way. There is a beautiful golden arch with gates wide open. Through the gates the path turns to pure gold, very bright and shiny. You can hear the singing and praises to God. As you move forward you begin to see the ones you love. Everyone is there waiting for you with open arms, so very glad to see you. You know everyone and everyone knows you. And there is nothing but love and happiness. You never have to see sadness, hurt or anger ever again. There is no time for that in heaven. She assured me that all of her time would be spent singing praises to God. She knew this without even the most tiny sliver of doubt. She knew this because it was Gods promise to her. That she would have the desires of her heart. And that was the most important desire she had. She assured me more times than one, that, "One day, I will go to sleep. And when I wake I will be face to face with Jesus! And it will be the most glorious day of my life!"
And I know that without even the most tiny sliver of doubt, Sally got the desires of her heart. She told me so.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
My Very First Ever...
This is my very first ever attempt for "blogging". I think its will be pretty interesting since I only just found out a few months ago what a blog was. Ok, so Im a late bloomer.
So first, a disclaimer...yes I know there is a spell checker thingy, and no I never use it, so get use to it. And I hate these thingys ''''''''', so I rarely use them. And sometimes words fall out of me that shouldnt, sorry. Dont read those if you dont like them. And I promise to do my best to curb my brain, and make it PG 13 at least. And I must confess, I have no idea where this will go as I have very little control over my mind these days. So read at your own risk.
I seem to be doing way too much with my life these days. And I dont really think a lot of it has much meaning to anyone, probably even to me. I just do stuff. I get involved with stuff. I say yes to way too much stuff. I have way too much stuff. Seems stuff is my life. Wow, lightbulb moment here. I need to rid my life of some stuff! And I have been working on that all day and didnt even really realize it. Guess Im doing good.
But I must admit that I also do some good stuff. Stuff for other people that makes them happy. Keeping Big Z (my mom) busy keeps everybody happy. Thats a full time job in itself! I am attempting to help Little G (my youngest sister) with her wedding. Thank you God, it will be over soon for all of our sanities. Seems everyone at work these days wants something from me. Learning to say a huge NO there. That stuff is for ME! Which leads to doing more stuff for the sole purpose of ME. Stuff I want to do, like to do and need to do. All for ME. The more I do for me, the more I like me.
But by far, the very most important thing I do in my life anymore, stuff wise, is the Celebrate Your Girlfriends Day party. This year is number 5. It is hard for me to believe that it is year number 5. For many different reasons. Good reasons, fun reasons, great reasons, and some down right crappy reasons. And some reasons that literally rip my heart out.
I am thinking I should explain the party a bit more. Other than its a party. And we drink a lot, eat a lot, and laugh a lot, and its only for women! After all, it is a celebration of our favorite people in the world, our girlfriends.
On Feb 7, 2005 Sally called me. She was totally excited and yelling in the phone, "I DID IT! I'M A COLLEGE GRADUATE! I JUST FINISHED MY LAST COLLEGE CLASS!" After years of taking classes whenever she could, she had finally finished, and turned in her final thesis. On which she made a A+ of course! I was so proud and happy to share in her excitement. We talked only a few minutes, as she was at her friend Lindas house where she would spend the night and go home to Souix Falls in the morning. Crown College where she attended, was in the Minneapolis area. She and Mike had just recently bought a house 4 hours away in Souix Falls. They stayed in a hotel for a month or more while they painted and remodeled the house. She would travel to her only class on monday nights and spend the night with Linda and go home the next morning. She really liked having the time with Linda, her little weekly vacation, she called it. They had been in the house only a week or so. Their plans were to make it into a bed and breakfast that could be used in their ministry. She gave me all the paint numbers and names to me so I could make quilts for all the rooms. And since her birthday and graduation was coming up in May, a new quilt would be a perfect gift. And since I was off work the next day, that would be the perfect time to shop for fabric.
So first, a disclaimer...yes I know there is a spell checker thingy, and no I never use it, so get use to it. And I hate these thingys ''''''''', so I rarely use them. And sometimes words fall out of me that shouldnt, sorry. Dont read those if you dont like them. And I promise to do my best to curb my brain, and make it PG 13 at least. And I must confess, I have no idea where this will go as I have very little control over my mind these days. So read at your own risk.
I seem to be doing way too much with my life these days. And I dont really think a lot of it has much meaning to anyone, probably even to me. I just do stuff. I get involved with stuff. I say yes to way too much stuff. I have way too much stuff. Seems stuff is my life. Wow, lightbulb moment here. I need to rid my life of some stuff! And I have been working on that all day and didnt even really realize it. Guess Im doing good.
But I must admit that I also do some good stuff. Stuff for other people that makes them happy. Keeping Big Z (my mom) busy keeps everybody happy. Thats a full time job in itself! I am attempting to help Little G (my youngest sister) with her wedding. Thank you God, it will be over soon for all of our sanities. Seems everyone at work these days wants something from me. Learning to say a huge NO there. That stuff is for ME! Which leads to doing more stuff for the sole purpose of ME. Stuff I want to do, like to do and need to do. All for ME. The more I do for me, the more I like me.
But by far, the very most important thing I do in my life anymore, stuff wise, is the Celebrate Your Girlfriends Day party. This year is number 5. It is hard for me to believe that it is year number 5. For many different reasons. Good reasons, fun reasons, great reasons, and some down right crappy reasons. And some reasons that literally rip my heart out.
I am thinking I should explain the party a bit more. Other than its a party. And we drink a lot, eat a lot, and laugh a lot, and its only for women! After all, it is a celebration of our favorite people in the world, our girlfriends.
On Feb 7, 2005 Sally called me. She was totally excited and yelling in the phone, "I DID IT! I'M A COLLEGE GRADUATE! I JUST FINISHED MY LAST COLLEGE CLASS!" After years of taking classes whenever she could, she had finally finished, and turned in her final thesis. On which she made a A+ of course! I was so proud and happy to share in her excitement. We talked only a few minutes, as she was at her friend Lindas house where she would spend the night and go home to Souix Falls in the morning. Crown College where she attended, was in the Minneapolis area. She and Mike had just recently bought a house 4 hours away in Souix Falls. They stayed in a hotel for a month or more while they painted and remodeled the house. She would travel to her only class on monday nights and spend the night with Linda and go home the next morning. She really liked having the time with Linda, her little weekly vacation, she called it. They had been in the house only a week or so. Their plans were to make it into a bed and breakfast that could be used in their ministry. She gave me all the paint numbers and names to me so I could make quilts for all the rooms. And since her birthday and graduation was coming up in May, a new quilt would be a perfect gift. And since I was off work the next day, that would be the perfect time to shop for fabric.
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