Its been 5 years.
5 of her birthdays that I have missed with her.
5 of everything that I have missed with her.
This really sucks.
Everything about it really sucks.
Right now, today, at this particular minute...
I can not tell you one single good thing that has come from her dying.
Not even a fracture of one.
I know there is something.
Ive made the list before.
Ive told everyone before.
Ive told myself before.
But right now... I cant think of anything.
All I know is it hurts like it just happened today.
5 years, it shouldn't still hurt like this.
I shouldn't have to be going through this.
She is the one that told me to "Do what ever the doctors say. Take care of yourself. I cant live in this world without you in it".
And it sucks to remember that conversation.
Why wasn't it me?
Why do I have to live in this world without her?
She was SO MUCH MORE than me.
She was so much better than me.
Nothing can make this better.
Will it ever get better?