Saturday, May 16, 2009

And Yet I Still Wake Up Every Day...

Its been 5 years.

5 of her birthdays that I have missed with her.

5 of everything that I have missed with her.

This really sucks.

Everything about it really sucks.

Right now, today, at this particular minute...

I can not tell you one single good thing that has come from her dying.

Not one.

Not even a fracture of one.

I know there is something.

Ive made the list before.

Ive told everyone before.

Ive told myself before.

But right now... I cant think of anything.

All I know is it hurts like it just happened today.

5 years, it shouldn't still hurt like this.

I shouldn't have to be going through this.

She is the one that told me to "Do what ever the doctors say. Take care of yourself. I cant live in this world without you in it".

And it sucks to remember that conversation.

Why wasn't it me?

Why do I have to live in this world without her?

She was SO MUCH MORE than me.

She was so much better than me.

More loving.

More giving.

More patient.

More wise.

More everything.

Nothing can make this better.

Will it ever get better?


Liz in PA said...

Georgia~ Just step back a wee bit and think about the fantastic gifts of "HELP" you've been able to give to women in need...furthering their education, etc.
And Girlfriends like Sally are the direct result of your friendship together.

Sally will always be with you standing guard and keeping you close to her heart because of the FRIENDSHIP you shared.

Nothing is a Sure Thing in life, and we must cherish each "DAY" as the gift it is.....and when filled with the love of family and is truly a blessing.

Leah said...

Sally would want you to be OK now. You'll see her again one day. You still carry her in your heart. She would love the way you carried on the Girlfriends Party scholarship blessing!!

Anonymous said...


I started to cry after I read this, In August it will be 4 years since I lost my best friend,sister Linda. Then I realised that it was you who helped me last year at the holidays, telling me about Sally. We will never get losing someone we love, but maybe one day it will be easier. That is what keeps my hanging in!! Love you, JeannieB