Sunday, January 31, 2010

I'm not Oprah, but this is "What I Know For Sure" HUGE SISTER WARNING!

There are very few things in this life that I know for sure. Very few. And listing them may make your toes curl and your hair fall out. So I wont.

But I can list the things I know for sure because its pretty short. This list is absolute. There is no question in my mind or heart that it is the total and complete truth. I have no "proof" to show you. And I cannot tell you why I know it is the complete truth. Mostly because I do not know for sure myself why I know. But my mind and heart know it for sure.

God is real and God is God. Pretty simple to me. My proof of this, is every breath I take.
Jesus is God. Because He was born, died and resurrected for us.
Heaven is real. And I will go there when I die. Because Jesus was resurrected for me.
This life is for us to practice loving each other, and being good to each other. EVERY each other, not just the ones we want to.
That love comes from God, not from us. Without God we don't know how to really love.
Forgiveness should be one of the commandments. It is that important.
Along with unconditional acceptance of others. ALL others.
Again, without God, you cannot do this.
We are just not good enough to be able to do this on our own. Yes, we think we are. But we are not.

When Sally was preparing to move to Minnesota, she had to have my approval. She said she would not go if I did not say it was OK with me. WTF! Of course it was NOT OK with me. But I never told her that. There was no way I would have ever stopped her from having her new life and new adventure. She was scared. I was more scared. One of our many, more important, conversations went somewhat like this.
Sally: We are meant to experience new things in life. That's why God gave us so many choices.
Me: I think Dallas would be a good experience for you too. she laughed.
S: You know, this life is just for practice, don't you?
M: How about you practice in Dallas? she laughed.
S: Even a million miles apart wont make a difference to us.
M: No, but I can drive 200 miles, I cant drive a million. she laughed.
S: I'm serious. The closeness in our hearts is what matters. No matter how far apart we are now, in the end we will always be together. And that is the forever that matters. Not now. Because we are together in God, we will be together always.

That last statement makes my life relationships even more important to me.

She always had that way of grounding me and making even the most difficult times bearable. And I still use a lot of our conversations to make my everyday life bearable.

I have had to remember and use this conversation several times in the past 10 years or so when many of my close friends would choose to have their life adventures elsewhere. Especially when Sharon decided to move to Missouri. And I gave her my blessing. But I went with her. That way, I had the visual of exactly where she was when we talked on the phone. Also and more important than that, I left her, she didn't leave me. That was as hard as letting Sally go...because she didn't come back. And that, as stupid as it sounds, was in my mind a lot.

But Sharon did come back. And she is hurting, in a way that I cant understand. I want to fix it, but I cant, all I can do is pray for her. Just as Jesus prays for her when she cant pray for herself. And Sharon is one of the most important people in my life and my heart is hurting for her like no other. So I am asking now...Please pray for Sharon with me.

Friday, January 8, 2010

One of my most favorite things that I have found on Facebook (besides that damn bejeweled game) is Moms Who Drink and Swear. I totally LOVE this woman! She says everything I ever thought, but would never ever have said about raising children. My favorite line, so far, was a few weeks ago...

"I love Jesus, but I fucking HATE Christmas!"

How perfect is that!!! It exactly how I feel. I WANT to love Christmas. I WANT to WANT to shop, and cook, and eat, and wrap, and sing, and decorate, and party and drink, and all that crap. But the real truth is, I could not care less about any of it anymore. And yes, I am the same person that at once put up 21 trees inside my house every year. And dozens of nativity scenes and dozens of santas and dozens of snowmen and every thing else you can imagine. And yes I still like all the stuff I have, but it is STUFF! With the exception of a few ornaments that are sentimental and some of my Nannies stuff, the rest could just disappear and I would never miss any of it. It would truly scare you if you actually saw all my Christmas stuff all together in one place. It scares me. I don't even know how many LARGE totes full of Christmas I have anymore. And I certainly can't count the small ones.

It just sucks so bad that Christmas just sets people up for disappointment. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. Everyone wants something special. Who actually gets what they really want? And why do we expect it so much? Why cant we just be happy with a greeting, or a card, or nothing? Because we are all programed to be greedy bastards, that's why. We have been fed this shit all of our lives. And none of it really means a damn thing. We have to compare ourselves to everyone else that we thought got what they wanted, so we turn sour. But really they didn't get what they wanted either. Its a vicious thing I tell you! Christmas is sucking all of the Christ right out of us all! (Hold on a minute, I need a bigger box to stand on here.)

So why can't we just not do it anymore? A few years ago we decided we were spending too much money buying everyone something, so we need to cut down on who all we have to buy for. OK, only the kids. Sorry, I cant NOT buy something for my mom and sisters and friends, just cant do it! That would take ALL of the joy away for me. So that left more money to spend on them, which I love to do. Even though none of us really should be doing it at all anyway, we all do. And that is when its fun, cause I really WANT to buy for them, sorry, I don't give a shit about the men.

It all just feels like its so hard to do anymore. Like we are forced to buy gifts. Forced to go to a party. Forced to cook too much. Forced to eat too much. Forced to drink too much. Forced to give up an important evening where we could be watching reruns on TV and put up with family. Forced to have a good time. Forced to like what we are given and forced to say thank you. What happened to the WANT to do it all?

This is how Christmas should be.

We should be celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. Together with family. Going to church or just being together and enjoying each others company. Without time restraints and grumpiness.
We should be honoring Christ by doing what we can to be more like Him instead of the opposite.
We should love more instead of hatred, indifference, ignorance, prejudice.
We should do what we can when someone is asking for help, instead of always looking the other way. I don't care if he buys a beer or cigarettes with it, I would too if I were on the street. Go ahead, walk a few hours in his shoes, and so would you.
We should be buying groceries for those who don't have any, instead of buying more of what we already have and don't need anyway, the fat asses we are.
We should be cooking food for those who can't cook for themselves, and serving them with gratitude for the ability to do so.
We should be buying coats and blankets for those who are out in the cold without, instead of sitting in our warm homes complaining about the cost of heating.
We should be providing safety and love for the children who are out there without anyone to love them and hold them and tell them they are loved.
We should be praying for those who are lost and can't pray for themselves anymore. Or we may find ourselves there too.
We should be thankful every second for what and who we have, instead of bitching constantly about what we want and why those we love don't please us in what ever way.

We should just be thankful.

Please feel free to change all of the "we's" in this rant to "I". Just feels better to hope someone feels the same way I do.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


What happened to Monday? I seem to have misplaced it somewhere. It must be in hiding with my pea brain, I have looked for that for several years now and just can not remember where I put it. I looked at the calender and it says that it was there...yesterday. But I don't remember it. Was it good? Did it suck as most Mondays do? WTF???

Monday, January 4, 2010

Sitting here while all the babies snooze, listening to their tiny snores, makes me ponder.
What will they grow up to accomplish? Who will they be?

Little Logan the line backer. I swear he grows an inch a week.
The sweetest disposition you could ever imagine in a baby.
Kobe will be the life of the party where ever he goes. He is a real heart breaker. A smile that can melt glaciers and a hug a minute. He drives the others crazy wanting hugs every few minutes.
Sweet Andy. Eyes that shine to brighten the world. He is just happy, all the time, happy happy happy! I want to be Andy when I grow up.
Mischievous Ms. Makayla. A tiny little firecracker. And has us all wrapped around her little finger, especially Uncle John. She points...and she gets.
Yes, they cry. There are dirty diapers. They fuss. They fight. They whine. They demand attention. They are babies. That's what they do.
Just holding them, hugging them, watching them play, listening to their sweet gibberish, and laughs and squeals, seeing their smiles every day...
makes my world a wonderful place for me to be.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

It's A New Year After All

Why did I doubt it? Not really sure. But it happened anyway.
Without me doing a damn thing to make it happen. For once, something happened all by it self.
I really like it when that happens.

I'm pretty sure we have a new year here in Deadrock too. But I am totally for certain sure that it happened in San Antonio. Cause I was there. And I saw it. With both eyes all focused and everything. I'm sure it happened there cause I got a New Years Kiss. Yup. Sure did.

Thank you Lannie and Gina for a GREAT New Years! We love you loads!

See the proof? Fireworks over the Tower of the Americas! I told you it was true!

Oh, and it was cold. We had the longest river taxi ride EVER!
Damn woman driver wouldn't take us to our hotel, it was out of the way.
We made that stupid circle at least a dozen times.
Bitch didn't get a tip either.The lights were great too, even though the photography isn't. Happy New Years Everyone!