Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Just a few things that I love from Idaho...a very few, cause I loved everything about it!
And really loved this view from the plane before I even got there.

And just look at this room! And the wonderful beautiful women preparing our
meals and serving us with the hugest smiles and hearts ever.
It is the essence of the whole week.
Loving each other...just that simple.
And the very best roommates I have ever had!
Marianne, Mona and Jayne. love them so much!My "TRUTH" journal. Still empty...cant come up with a good enough reason of why.
But it sits in the living room so I can see it all the time.
It just makes me feel good and smile inside.
I've lived with so many lies over the years, its just good to really know the
truth really does exist and is alive and well inside of me!
I love you Jayne!
The walk to the lake was beautiful itself...then the sunset and...no words for that!
Thank you God, it was magnificent!
At the motel in Eagle where we met the bus to take us to heaven...I mean McCall.
The most serene, clear, flowing and COLD river ever! There was a huge tree log
that had fallen in the water just a step off the bank. I just had to sit
on it a while and soak the travel tired footsies. But only long enough
for this picture, or they would have frozen and broken off!
The rose garden in Boise provided another of Gods most beautiful works.
We had a nice walk through it taking pics of all the different colors.
And the squirrels and geese were there to entertain also...
making you watch your step for sure!
We get back to our room after a full morning of shopping,
and I mean a LOT of shopping! That Jayne can make the rounds!
We get back into our wonderfully fancy hotel room and look out
the window to find this!
A double rainbow over the mountains! How cool is that!!!
And 2 of my all time favorite things...Angie and Keagan.
They just fill my heart with all things good.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thank You Jayne! I Love You!

So Jayne emails me with "I want to do this!" with a link to Brave Girls Camp. She said, "I really need this". I do too, I remember thinking. Really longing for the bravery I thought I needed to do the things I needed to do. Mainly confront my marriage, and my son. Take up for and take care of me for a change. Maybe I could find out how to be the aggressive extrovert I have always wanted to be. That's being brave isn't it? I look at it...yep, looks like fun to me! OK, I'm in!
Now, I didn't bother to read all the rave reviews, or even read Melody's blog. Sorry, but I really didn't. What I read was pretty simple. Idaho...means a long way away from Texas and everyone and everything in it to me. October...means cool weather and mountains. Crafts...means fun, fun, fun, and I can learn some scrap booking from Jayne. Women...means getting away from men for a while...my main goal. And good food...always sounds pretty good to me! Sure I want to go!

So I start saving every little extra penny I could get my hands on and sent in my down payment...and payments as regular as I could till it was finally paid off. Not telling anyone except Jayne for several months. It felt very much out of my comfort area, spending that kind of money on only me, for such selfish reasons, but for some reason, I had to do it. And I had to do it now before I backed out. Its easier to look at 1200.00 in little lumps than in one big one. I just had to constantly remind myself that I make the money around her, me and only me, so me and only me will decide how to spend it! And I'm spending it on ME!

It was almost a years wait for October to finally get here. One look at that says that year flew by. The other part says that it took years to finally say TODAY is the day I leave! And the excitement was multiplied by the fact that I finally, after almost 4 years, got to see Angie and Keagan again. As much as Idaho was great in every way, my time with them meant everything to me.

But this is a blog about Brave Girls Camp.

Brave Girl Camp is the vacation from life that you have been waiting for, and the experience of a lifetime. Our goal is to make sure that you have the time of your life while making lifelong friendships, and especially that you go back to your life a stronger, more joyful woman, feeling on-track and ready to be exactly who you are and to do exactly what is in your heart to do.

There! Now doesn't that sound like fun? You read this page...
and tell me if you wouldn't want to do that! (because I am not a computer person and I don't know how to have you click on a word and it just pops up like it should, that's why I put that in!)

And every single word of that whole page is absolutely true! Every single word! It is total fun, a great get-away vacation, I have life long friendships, and I am for sure a better woman for having experienced those 5 days.

What I didn't pay attention to was the getting to know, or work on your "inner self" part. Where you do the art projects to help you work through "stuff" that has happened in your life. Sounds simple and painless enough. Mainly because I very rarely allow anything to get to me in an outwardly emotional way. My problem is that me and my inner self haven't gotten along in a long while and she was having a hay day trying to get out and eat this mushy stuff up. Not really sure how to describe my inner self in a nice way...but since this is my blog, I can just say...she is a bitch to get along with sometimes. You people out there are really lucky that you don't have to listen to her every day. I have to say, ole inner self had a better time than I did at times. She had a blast with her constant "I told you so's"! She would poke at my heart with every one of Melody's truths that I would cut out. And the outer me, was required to stay calm and collected at all times. Because that's what I do.

Now I am not one that is always comparing myself to every other woman out there. I am pretty secure in myself. Sounds conceited to write that out like that, but I really don't think of it that way. I'm certainly not better than anyone else, just not any less than either. This one of the few things that inner self and I do agree on. One of the hardest things I saw at BGC was the women that didn't feel this way. The ones who have been told for so long that they were on the much lesser than list. And the women who had been so deeply hurt over and over by the ones they loved and trusted the most. And the women who just didn't believe in themselves. And the women who just needed to be told they were so awesome and totally worth loving. And the women that I could feel melt into my arms when I hugged them because they were so starved for a real hug. And the women who looked so empty, lost, alone and scared when they arrived. I have to admit, I was NOT prepared for that. My heart actually physically ached for them.

I was not prepared for all of that...but I was humbled by and honored to be around everyone of those amazing women. I will now admit to feeling very out of place at the first "red carpet" meeting. Even though my husband had just suddenly ended our 26 years together a month before...I had nothing to say in the circle. My childhood may not have been perfect, but it was perfect for me. I had everything I could have needed and everything I remember wanting, and I was totally loved and adored by everyone around me. I just wanted to be my mom when I grew up, because she was perfect in every way to me. And marry someone just like my dad, cause he was perfect to me. And have 7 kids, cause I have 3 siblings and...OK, well that didn't work out so well. But yes my siblings are now perfect for me!

My point is, I had nothing what so ever to compare to what these women had all been through. I had no idea what to say. My first thought was..."Hi, I'm Georgia from Texas and I think I got on the wrong plane and ended up at the wrong retreat". But luckily God knew just where he was sending me and I gave in and let it happen. I felt such empathy for each of them. I wanted to have words to help then understand their worth. To have the hugs to make them feel better. To show them in some way how important they are and how beautiful they are in every way. I didn't have any of that.

But Melody and Kathy did. Every single moment of every day told us all just that. In hundreds of different ways. Every where you looked, the love oozed from every little nook and cranny. It was in every tiny bird placed in exactly the right place. The first morning as I sat eating breakfast, I looked up and saw my mom sitting at her quilting frame. I couldn't swallow for choking back the tears. Love dripped from the cinnamon rolls. It blinked in the Christmas lights that hung everywhere. It flickered in the candle flames. It cuddled around me in a huge fluffy towel all my own. It soothed the jitters in the notes of every sweet song. It chips away at the hardness with every twinkling eye that smiles at you. And the sunset over beautiful Lake Payette told me without a doubt that God had sent me to this very place to be with these very women at this very moment in my life to reaffirm...that I am truly LOVED!

See all the wonderful pictures on my Facebook page.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Are you kidding me??? January??? I havent even looked at this thing since January??? Damn! Time really does fly!
You know when time flies?
When you keep 5 babies every day. Under the age of 2.
When you have 23,753 chickens.
When your husband isnt working.
When you are ebaying everything that isnt nailed down for extra money.
When your son isnt working.
When you work every available weekend shift at the hospital.
When your kitchen cabinets fall off of the wall.
When you find black mold behind those said cabinets.
When your car needs a new water pump for a year so you cant go out of town in it.
When your windshield wiper quits working in a rain storm and its also time to get car inspected.
When baby chicks keep hatching!
When your freezer door gets left open long enough to make everything but the 12lb turkey hot.
When you wish May came after December so you have more time to party plan.
When May cant come fast enough to have fun at the party.
When you vow to keep in touch with someone and you realize its already been 3 months!
When suddenly all my babies are walking and talking!
When did that happen!!!!!

So now I vow to write in this more often. Or at least before next January.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

I'm not Oprah, but this is "What I Know For Sure" HUGE SISTER WARNING!

There are very few things in this life that I know for sure. Very few. And listing them may make your toes curl and your hair fall out. So I wont.

But I can list the things I know for sure because its pretty short. This list is absolute. There is no question in my mind or heart that it is the total and complete truth. I have no "proof" to show you. And I cannot tell you why I know it is the complete truth. Mostly because I do not know for sure myself why I know. But my mind and heart know it for sure.

God is real and God is God. Pretty simple to me. My proof of this, is every breath I take.
Jesus is God. Because He was born, died and resurrected for us.
Heaven is real. And I will go there when I die. Because Jesus was resurrected for me.
This life is for us to practice loving each other, and being good to each other. EVERY each other, not just the ones we want to.
That love comes from God, not from us. Without God we don't know how to really love.
Forgiveness should be one of the commandments. It is that important.
Along with unconditional acceptance of others. ALL others.
Again, without God, you cannot do this.
We are just not good enough to be able to do this on our own. Yes, we think we are. But we are not.

When Sally was preparing to move to Minnesota, she had to have my approval. She said she would not go if I did not say it was OK with me. WTF! Of course it was NOT OK with me. But I never told her that. There was no way I would have ever stopped her from having her new life and new adventure. She was scared. I was more scared. One of our many, more important, conversations went somewhat like this.
Sally: We are meant to experience new things in life. That's why God gave us so many choices.
Me: I think Dallas would be a good experience for you too. she laughed.
S: You know, this life is just for practice, don't you?
M: How about you practice in Dallas? she laughed.
S: Even a million miles apart wont make a difference to us.
M: No, but I can drive 200 miles, I cant drive a million. she laughed.
S: I'm serious. The closeness in our hearts is what matters. No matter how far apart we are now, in the end we will always be together. And that is the forever that matters. Not now. Because we are together in God, we will be together always.

That last statement makes my life relationships even more important to me.

She always had that way of grounding me and making even the most difficult times bearable. And I still use a lot of our conversations to make my everyday life bearable.

I have had to remember and use this conversation several times in the past 10 years or so when many of my close friends would choose to have their life adventures elsewhere. Especially when Sharon decided to move to Missouri. And I gave her my blessing. But I went with her. That way, I had the visual of exactly where she was when we talked on the phone. Also and more important than that, I left her, she didn't leave me. That was as hard as letting Sally go...because she didn't come back. And that, as stupid as it sounds, was in my mind a lot.

But Sharon did come back. And she is hurting, in a way that I cant understand. I want to fix it, but I cant, all I can do is pray for her. Just as Jesus prays for her when she cant pray for herself. And Sharon is one of the most important people in my life and my heart is hurting for her like no other. So I am asking now...Please pray for Sharon with me.

Friday, January 8, 2010

One of my most favorite things that I have found on Facebook (besides that damn bejeweled game) is Moms Who Drink and Swear. I totally LOVE this woman! She says everything I ever thought, but would never ever have said about raising children. My favorite line, so far, was a few weeks ago...

"I love Jesus, but I fucking HATE Christmas!"

How perfect is that!!! It exactly how I feel. I WANT to love Christmas. I WANT to WANT to shop, and cook, and eat, and wrap, and sing, and decorate, and party and drink, and all that crap. But the real truth is, I could not care less about any of it anymore. And yes, I am the same person that at once put up 21 trees inside my house every year. And dozens of nativity scenes and dozens of santas and dozens of snowmen and every thing else you can imagine. And yes I still like all the stuff I have, but it is STUFF! With the exception of a few ornaments that are sentimental and some of my Nannies stuff, the rest could just disappear and I would never miss any of it. It would truly scare you if you actually saw all my Christmas stuff all together in one place. It scares me. I don't even know how many LARGE totes full of Christmas I have anymore. And I certainly can't count the small ones.

It just sucks so bad that Christmas just sets people up for disappointment. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. Everyone wants something special. Who actually gets what they really want? And why do we expect it so much? Why cant we just be happy with a greeting, or a card, or nothing? Because we are all programed to be greedy bastards, that's why. We have been fed this shit all of our lives. And none of it really means a damn thing. We have to compare ourselves to everyone else that we thought got what they wanted, so we turn sour. But really they didn't get what they wanted either. Its a vicious thing I tell you! Christmas is sucking all of the Christ right out of us all! (Hold on a minute, I need a bigger box to stand on here.)

So why can't we just not do it anymore? A few years ago we decided we were spending too much money buying everyone something, so we need to cut down on who all we have to buy for. OK, only the kids. Sorry, I cant NOT buy something for my mom and sisters and friends, just cant do it! That would take ALL of the joy away for me. So that left more money to spend on them, which I love to do. Even though none of us really should be doing it at all anyway, we all do. And that is when its fun, cause I really WANT to buy for them, sorry, I don't give a shit about the men.

It all just feels like its so hard to do anymore. Like we are forced to buy gifts. Forced to go to a party. Forced to cook too much. Forced to eat too much. Forced to drink too much. Forced to give up an important evening where we could be watching reruns on TV and put up with family. Forced to have a good time. Forced to like what we are given and forced to say thank you. What happened to the WANT to do it all?

This is how Christmas should be.

We should be celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. Together with family. Going to church or just being together and enjoying each others company. Without time restraints and grumpiness.
We should be honoring Christ by doing what we can to be more like Him instead of the opposite.
We should love more instead of hatred, indifference, ignorance, prejudice.
We should do what we can when someone is asking for help, instead of always looking the other way. I don't care if he buys a beer or cigarettes with it, I would too if I were on the street. Go ahead, walk a few hours in his shoes, and so would you.
We should be buying groceries for those who don't have any, instead of buying more of what we already have and don't need anyway, the fat asses we are.
We should be cooking food for those who can't cook for themselves, and serving them with gratitude for the ability to do so.
We should be buying coats and blankets for those who are out in the cold without, instead of sitting in our warm homes complaining about the cost of heating.
We should be providing safety and love for the children who are out there without anyone to love them and hold them and tell them they are loved.
We should be praying for those who are lost and can't pray for themselves anymore. Or we may find ourselves there too.
We should be thankful every second for what and who we have, instead of bitching constantly about what we want and why those we love don't please us in what ever way.

We should just be thankful.

Please feel free to change all of the "we's" in this rant to "I". Just feels better to hope someone feels the same way I do.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


What happened to Monday? I seem to have misplaced it somewhere. It must be in hiding with my pea brain, I have looked for that for several years now and just can not remember where I put it. I looked at the calender and it says that it was there...yesterday. But I don't remember it. Was it good? Did it suck as most Mondays do? WTF???

Monday, January 4, 2010

Sitting here while all the babies snooze, listening to their tiny snores, makes me ponder.
What will they grow up to accomplish? Who will they be?

Little Logan the line backer. I swear he grows an inch a week.
The sweetest disposition you could ever imagine in a baby.
Kobe will be the life of the party where ever he goes. He is a real heart breaker. A smile that can melt glaciers and a hug a minute. He drives the others crazy wanting hugs every few minutes.
Sweet Andy. Eyes that shine to brighten the world. He is just happy, all the time, happy happy happy! I want to be Andy when I grow up.
Mischievous Ms. Makayla. A tiny little firecracker. And has us all wrapped around her little finger, especially Uncle John. She points...and she gets.
Yes, they cry. There are dirty diapers. They fuss. They fight. They whine. They demand attention. They are babies. That's what they do.
Just holding them, hugging them, watching them play, listening to their sweet gibberish, and laughs and squeals, seeing their smiles every day...
makes my world a wonderful place for me to be.